Missed Connections

October 15th, 8AM:

October 18th:

WILLY

Willy, this was so romantic of you, really.  However, I'm a little hesitant to phone you directly at this point. Please understand, you are very charming and funny in a downtrodden way, but I just didn't experience that sort of chemistry. Also, "begged"? I would scarcely assign the term "begging" to you assertively offering me a cigarette and then repeatedly commenting about how funny it is that two people on bicycles smoke. I accepted the cigarette because you intrigued me, but you using the term "begged" either implies a domination fetish or that you like to use guilt tactics to establish power over people emotionally. The "old man" line also added to this.  I was wondering why you kept making wisecracks about the lone grey patch in your beard. Now I know. I suspect you would use the following terms to describe yourself: "quaint", "full of character", "echoing with unexpected wisdom".  These terms were also used to characterize a well I visited in Flagstaff recently, so I can't take all the credit.  They do not apply to you, a man in his 40's who has not left the country or done much more than maintain a beard and play slide guitar in a bluegrass band.  Not that these are things to be ashamed of, but your "seen it all worldly old wise man" act is a bit presumptuous. 

October 24th:

BECKA

Wow.  I've never been called out on the "Old Willy" thing, but I guess I'm even more out of practice than I thought.  You're right, you didn't beg me for a cigarette.  My instincts told me you were jonesing for one, so I made the offer. And for the record, you accepted. Eagerly.  You stuck around to smoke it, so I cut the silence with some small talk.  I guess I'll just wipe this egg off my face, sorry I offended you.  I'm no good at conversations.  I wish you could see me in my element, with the band. It's not something I can write on cardboard. My band plays at the Cadillac Ranch this Saturday night. Please come.

October 28th:

WILLY

Perhaps I let my effort to be clever get the better of me here, I apologize for being a little callous. If you are OK with your life, then I'm sure you will meet someone who is as well, there is no reason to sound so terminally crestfallen.  You are playing the "innocent simple guy" card, which my ex-husband was an expert at.  It was like every one of our fights was filmed before a live studio audience who had to vote on who they liked better, and he would always win.  Sorry I didn't go to your show, I just don't want to get your hopes up.

October 30th:

BECKA

I know what it's like to have your heart broken, but you have to let go of your grudges if you're ever going to move on.  You need to find an outlet, and I can help.  If you'd come to one of my shows, you'd hear how I work through it in my music.  If you don't get over it, it gets over you.  Just give me a chance, I'll be whoever you need me.  My band plays at the Elbow Room this Friday.  It's a public group setting, you can leave whenever you want.

November 1st:

WILLY

That is really kind of you, however I have made other plans with an old friend.  I don't want to promise you anything, but maybe, just maybe we will stop by at some point during the evening.

November 4th:

BECKA

I know what "old friend" means. I can't help you if you don't want to help yourself.  Also, I've noticed you at Lola's the past two Sunday mornings (I'm not stalking you, it's on the way to my daughter's house). You seemed pretty comfortable with your "breakfast club" there. You know what I mean. 

November 8th:

WILLY

First of all, old friend means "friend I've known since college", why the hell would I advertise the sort of thing you are implying on a sign?  Also, I don't quite understand your last comment. "Breakfast club"? Are you implying that I'm involved in some sort of weekend partner swapping? Not that it's any of your business, but they are dear friends of mine and mostly married with children.

November 10th:

BECKA

Do you think that once you start a family, all sexual adventures end? Personally, I have found that age has made me bolder in my pursuits.  The challenge is finding the opportunity to get away from the kids and other responsibilities.  Fortunately, I have a solution for you and your friends: I own a luxurious villa in Steamboat Springs.  How would you like to own it?  Sounds ridiculous, I know, but hear me out.  I own the building for the month of April, and due to a change in my financial situation (Hey, we're all hurting, am I right?), I am looking for someone to take the top floor off my hands at one twelfth of the market value.  Just email me at the address below and I'll send you the contract, and you can own a villa in Steamboat Springs for the month of April, today! Unbelievable, right?  Make sure you call your friends to get their consent before you sign anything.  Believe it or not, sometimes people are hesitant, they think there is a catch.  Most of the time though, they are just as excited as you are.  So call them right now, and this April will be the time you and your friends get over all their sexual inhibitions.  And I can help if you want.  Otherwise I'll be just downstairs.