Blend

Carter kept discreetly turning the volume up using the steering wheel, cursing every ambient, non-anthemic track on the latest M83 album as Jaime used an affected voice to sound strained to speak over the layers of synth. "I don't really like donuts anymore.  Especially not for breakfast." Carter opens the window at a stoplight and says, "I hope you didn't see too much this morning". Jaime takes this moment to light up the third cigarette since they woke up 20 minutes ago.  "We don't have to- I don't like to bring that up right away, for obvious reasons, I guess.  It's all good though, we'll be there in 10 minutes."  They were both fully convinced the other was about to implode under the tension. "It was a good night, great crowd, man."  "I hope I'm not towed." "Nah, the meters are on weekdays."  "Yeah, I guess that's the benefit of having these in shitty neighborhoods."

Carter and Jaime met the previous night at a huge warehouse party.  Carter was with a group of friends who all took one car, and they found a spot just quiet enough to converse, but still near the action.  Carter says, "I hate it when people get drunk at these."  Someone in the group was experiencing their first warehouse party where everyone uses Blend, and they set down their drink sheepishly. "Why? Do they act like assholes?" Carter gestures towards someone apologizing to a few indignant people. "Did you see that?  Someone keeps bumping into people, and they keep getting offended and arguing." "Oh right! Because if someone crashes into you it means they are not attracted to you."  Carter's friend gives the room a once-over.  "I can still see everyone. Does that mean I'm attracted to everybody, like I'm bi? When does it kick in?" "Give it another 15 minutes. You'll know.  Like, every part of someone you're not attracted to will fade and blend in, and the parts that turn you on will be all you see of them.  It'll be like black light, you know? And the sexy parts will glow, everything else will be hard to see.  That's why you gotta move slowly and not get wasted." "If I get drunker, won't more parts of people look sexy?"  They laughed as a group. "That's such a first-timer joke! I'm so glad you came, it gets so serious here."

Jaime was with two friends, and they kept moving from table to table.  "Oh my god, I feel like such a degenerate here.  Why do they host these in such shitty neighborhoods?" Jaime shrugs, distracted, distant.  "Where else are they gonna get the space?"  "They just need to rent out like, a whole night club or something.  I'd totally pay extra.  It'd weed out all the assholes."  Jaime's friends enjoy speaking loudly and derisively about people as they walk by, Jaime knows that you shouldn't go to a Blend party alone.  "And the people who just keep coming here over and over and over... I'm tired of seeing them!" "More like not seeing them..." "Why do people drink at these?  If you are on fucking Blend and you still can't talk to someone, you just need to go back to internet dating."  Jaime takes out a vial. "Will you two stop complaining and let's just take these? I like to take them at the same time so we disappear all at once and none of us are left sitting around.  Like last week." "Aww, but you sure did find us eventually, isn't that right?"

"What if I don't find any parts of you guys attractive?" Carter loves coaching first timers. "Well most people find something attractive about everybody.   But once we start to disappear, it's best to split up." Someone else chimes in, "That's the awesome part! Unlike other group singles events, it like, really forces you to branch away from using your friends for safety.  If you see someone, and they see you, you automatically know there's a connection."  Carter butts back in,  "It beats internet dating. That's why I'm here, anyway." "That's why everyone's here." "And if you don't like someone once you see them the morning after, nobody gets offended!" The first timer grew nervous. "Is that- Does that happen all the time? That sounds shitty. Can't I just tell someone to grab me in certain spots before we leave together? So they know there aren't any deal breakers?"  "No, you just gotta not be a pussy about it." One of the group is growing impatient.  Carter pushes back, "No, shut up, that's not true.  If you like someone and you feel shy about rejection, just ask them on a date. If someone won't accept you for who you are, flaws and all, they're not worth your time." "Yeah, this isn't like, an orgy or something.  There's nothing to be worried about."

"This place is basically an orgy. There's no connecting happening here other than genitals." Jaime can't wait for the dose to take effect and disappear, and has two options: make new friends, or try and relate to these two until the trip starts and direct communication is prohibited unless your friend is clearly making a mistake.  "Definitely for some people.  The true benefit, really the entire purpose of this is that it cuts through so much of the bullshit and awkwardness so you can meet someone and move on to the good stuff." "Yeah, this place is definitely turning into a hookup scene for some people."  "Exactly! You can tell when people are scene because they have their Blend party uniform." "Hah, yes! A few people tell you they like your eyes or your legs or your/ tits or your cock bulge or whatever and you start framing them with your outfits"  "The most definitive one, and maybe I'm the only one who has run into this, is they won't give their name out." "Yeah! Some shit about respecting the collective memory." "It was explained to me that our ownership of memories is a like and that they are really shared and borrowed.  I tried to argue, and they just ask me to prove them wrong." "I always want to tell them off"  "I'm never ready when they approach me!  I've always got a good comeback like, the next day when I'm sitting at my desk."

"OK, 5 more minutes then we separate."  Carter just explained that it's a faux pas to cling to a friend when they're on Blend "So like, does it work with movies?" "I don't know, look at that screen."    "Why doesn't it work on movies?" "Are you thinking about having sex with movies?  I don't know about the brain science behind it or whatever, but it affects that part of your perception."  "I'd have sex with that movie!  Who decides on these?" "Eh, it's a bunch of pretentious art house crap. Nobody comes here to see the movies. If you're talking to someone and they start watching the movies, that means they're not interested." "But I thought that once someone looked at you it meant they were interested." "Yeah, but people change their minds. Look, the Blend doesn't do all the work for you, you have to use your own judgement." Carter scanned the room to plan her escape. "I think I see someone. I'm gonna go for it. Good luck!"

Carter approaches the first coherent series of features and is pleased to see a familiar face says, "Oh hey, I remember you."  The features replied, "I doubt it, I just moved here. But I've been going to Blend parties since the bathrooms at Krush were still gender segregated, if that means anything to you.  Did you go to any parties in the Bay Area scene? Maybe we hooked up there?" "No.  Are you sure? I just... what's your name?" "Let's not do names, you can call me Anonymous.  What are you seeing?" Carter hesitantly proceeded, "Your calves and your hair and your eyes, especially your eyebrows... and most of your torso. I'm sure that we- didn't we?" The anonymous attractive figure replied, "Individual memory is just a puddle next to a river, all we need to do is connect it." "Yeah, you have been going to these for a while." "What's that supposed to mean?"  "'Let's not do names'? Individual memory? River?  You actually read that book."  "'The End of Individuality?" "Yeah, that. Sorry, I just thought that book was rubbish."   "Well pardon my directness, but you've obviously done your share of Blend.  How do you know... what do you hold on to that tells you that you are remembering separate people and not just a shared composite of all the people you, y'know, blend with? And all of their memories?"  "Sorry, I just don't buy that far into this, this is just a hangover-free good time for me."  Anonymous could not see Carter's eyes, but was pretending to stare into them.  "I am an analyst for a major software company that I will not mention out of good taste, and I run my own freelance PR consulting firm. If you're implying that I'm some sort of addict with no life, you've made a mistake." "Well, my name is Carter. Enjoy your night."

Jaime had witnessed this exchange from nearby.  "Was that your first experience with a Blend Buddha?"  Carter was startled.  "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just approached you like that. Am I here?" "Oh you are definitely there, sorry, I'm just a little shaken.  Definitely not my first, but certainly my best. That felt good, I'm glad someone was there to witness that." Carter's eyes fixed on Jaime as they best could as names were exchanged. "I almost wanted to intervene, but you seemed to be doing just fine." "I almost wish they would just make Blend illegal, that'd get rid of all the... those people." "Yeah, I feel like this is ecstasy for obnoxious yuppies.  I wish there was a way to just filter them out." A few of Carter's and Jaime's friends walk past and say nothing, which is a standard way to approve of a friend's catch.  They both look at the other's group unknowingly.  "People dressed like that might as well just go to a regular night club." "Yeah, I mean if you bare most of your flesh-" "Everybody likes flesh!"  "I guess it makes it OK for them to move around so fast though." "Yeah, like when I really need to get to the bathroom I should just take off all of my clothes." "Yes, you should."

Soon Carter and Jaime are in a corner kissing with equal parts passion and curiosity, both escalating.  Jaime senses the romantic bubble moving carelessly in the proximity of an unseeable spike, so reigns it in with words, "I hate how this encourages people to be so... crass with each other." "Oh I don't know, I think honesty is my favorite part.  You can't say anything to people about their appearance anymore without worrying about hurting someone's feelings.  Now words are a pleasant indulgence." "You have amazing legs." "A very pleasant indulgence" "...and your shoulders... your jaw... and your neck." Carter pushes and pulls Jaime into a certain spot, "I love the way you look at me."  The last kisses recede like melting iced cream. Carter asks, "Did you drive here?" "Yeah, but I don't Blend and drive. Could you imagine living with the guilt of running someone over because they weren't sexy enough?"  They laughed and left and found a cab.

Jaime is considering this moment as the wind howls in Carter's car on the way back to the warehouse after a night of technically proficient and occasionally intimate sex.  "You're completely over the dose, right?  Can you see those ugly kids over there?" Carter was supposed to laugh. "What's up with all these ugly kids? Must be something in the water."  Carter gave a laugh so forced it was borderline hostile. "So what are you up to today?" "Oh, groceries, laundry, balance sheets..." Jaime could feel the pending arrival as Carter went through the errands.  Jaime was sorting a list of possible failures of the past 10 hours. All the questionable moments were traced to a sense of familiarity, of having known Carter for years and being able to say anything.  In the moment, that sense justified bold statements of ennui and references to very specific and obscure feelings.  Was that all just a product of the drug?

Jaime makes a last ditch effort.  "So did you really see the most of me out of everyone here?"  Carter replies as though not listening, "I'm sorry about earlier, you were right. About the 'seeing too much' comment.  You don't want to get all self-referential or whatever right away.  Well anyway, I'll find you on Facebook. You're friends with Max Lang, right?" "I think so." "Cool, you got your keys?" "Yeah totally. Maybe we could go get a drink during the week?" "I'm really busy this week. But maybe I'll see you at the warehouse again?" "Yep, I'm sure I'll see you there."