Things Every Man Should Learn in His 20's (Written For a Magazine That Wants to Sell Me High-End Watches)

So every time I visit my parents, there's always a bunch of men's magazines lying around with these "20 Things No Man Over 30 Should Do" or "Lessons All Men Should Have Learned in Their Twenties".  I decided to make an exercise of phrasing them as accurately as I can remember them, but gently satirizing the essence of what I loath about every one of them.  The key word is "gently", for when you despise something it takes extra restraint to not be outwardly sarcastic, passive aggressive, or critical.

Dress your age.  Have at least two decent suits that fit.  The shoes you wear for exercise should be worn for nothing else.  Same goes for the shoes you wear to the office, to formal affairs, and on weekends.  Ditch all relics of teen angst, life is hard enough without dragging around the uniform from every heady phase you've ever gone through.  

Don't fall behind on picking up bar tabs.  Your friends are politely pretending not to notice.  If you can't afford to drink, you shouldn't be out anyway. You should be scouring the internet trying to find a better job.

It feels good to get behind political causes and stand up for what you believe in, but don't let it take over your life. By age 30, if the risk of living paycheck to paycheck without insurance doesn't bother you, you're very skilled at not paying attention.  Fix that.

Kids happen, plan accordingly.  Everything else is just a temporary phase you'll get over.

Never have a drink that is more than 25% mixed with grain alcohol before 2pm and never anything less than 50% after 7pm.

The internet is full of people who are skilled at making excuses for why they are not successful.  Do not buy into the cynicism of the "bad job market" or "bad economy".  Let others be intimidated, use that to your advantage.

Women are drawn to a confident man who is in control of his life.  Approaching a woman with the excessive nervous chatter that was charming in your early twenties will cause them to subconsciously eliminate you from their mating pool.

If you're thinking about buying it, and it fits in your budget, just buy it.  Your time is worth too much to be spent over-analyzing small indulgences, and you obviously want it.

Stop wasting your time on things that don't enhance your resume or earn you money.  Jealously guard your time, for it is the one thing that once it is lost you can never get it back.

Stop thinking that you are an exception to things.  All the ways you assess people, they are assessing you that way as well.  If you are reading this list and disregarding the parts that don't make you feel good, you're doing it wrong.

Feeling depressed or doubtful? Work out.  By the time you're done, whatever it was that was bothering you will have vanished.

How others perceive you is just as important as how you perceive yourself.  I know you've been told not to worry about the opinions of others, but comparing yourself to others is a really good motivator to achieve greatness.  If you're just trying to be good enough for yourself, how are you ever going to progress towards amounting to something better?

  

$100 isn't a lot of money.  It just isn't.

Stop buying anything at yard sales.  If you still have five-dollar furniture, then people are going to infer a lot about your level of maturity from what they see (and it's probably a pretty accurate assumption). 

Have a savings account.  Contribute to it.  You will find fiscal irresponsibility at this age to be unforgivable the older you get.

You are what you do for a living.  When you introduce yourself to people and they ask what you do for a living, and you have an imaginary asterisk at the end of that answer, they are not padding their assessment of you with the narrative excuses that you are.

Value your free time.  Make sure you have free time, and schedule how you are going to spend it ahead of time.

Eastern philosophies can be either an escapist barrier to achieving greatness or they can be what enables you to manage the stress while you achieve greatness. Like everything else, it all depends on how you use it.

Keep up with your watch, have it serviced every three years or when you change the battery.  Also, have a watch.  People with places to be at designated times have watches.

Everything you do is recorded in some way that employers can find.  Accept that and embrace it, and use it to your advantage that others may not.  Your reputation is the one resource that once it is lost you can never get it back.

Hanging Off the Edge of a Cliff

Man, you gotta stop doing that!

What? Pulling up people who are hanging off the edge of a cliff?

Yeah, don't do that.  We'll end up dealing with a ton of people hanging from cliffs.  We won't have any customers. Just people hanging off cliffs.

That's ridiculous, I was just trying to help the guy out.

You're not seeing the big picture here.  If we're nice to people hanging off the edge of a cliff, they'll come back with their friends who are hanging off the edge of a cliff.

But-

Everybody's trying to look cool and hook people up, even people hanging off the edge of a cliff.  Look, if you were a person hanging off the edge of a cliff trying to get some people hanging off the edge of a cliff pussy, wouldn't you tell that edge of a cliff pussy about where she can get pulled up?

First of all, if I was a person hanging off the edge of a cliff, pussy would be the last thing on my mind.  I'd be too worried about the condition of my balls.

When you're hanging off the edge of a cliff, you don't care about your balls.

Anyway, there's nothing we can do to stop people hanging off a cliff from coming here. I mean, they built this shit right by that cliff.  They had to know what they were getting into.  This ain't the Biltmore, yo!

I doubt that cliff was there before they opened the doors here. Or at least it wasn't that high of a cliff.

Man, that same cliff has been here forever. Opening a store on this block is like saying, "Hey! People hanging off the edge of a cliff! Come and ask us for free rope."  Anyway, what else have we got these courtesy ropes for?

They're just gonna end up back on the cliff again anyway.

But they keep the rope, so they can re-use it.

They're just gonna throw the rope out, or lose it when they're like on meth or whatever.  And by the way, you didn't throw him the courtesy rope. You threw him the deluxe rope.  If management starts noticing that the rope inventory is low and I get stuck counting ropes four nights a week, I'm gonna kick your ass.

Man, what you got against people hanging off the edges of cliffs, anyway? People hanging off the edge of a cliff say the funniest shit sometimes, you know?

Blend

Carter kept discreetly turning the volume up using the steering wheel, cursing every ambient, non-anthemic track on the latest M83 album as Jaime used an affected voice to sound strained to speak over the layers of synth. "I don't really like donuts anymore.  Especially not for breakfast." Carter opens the window at a stoplight and says, "I hope you didn't see too much this morning". Jaime takes this moment to light up the third cigarette since they woke up 20 minutes ago.  "We don't have to- I don't like to bring that up right away, for obvious reasons, I guess.  It's all good though, we'll be there in 10 minutes."  They were both fully convinced the other was about to implode under the tension. "It was a good night, great crowd, man."  "I hope I'm not towed." "Nah, the meters are on weekdays."  "Yeah, I guess that's the benefit of having these in shitty neighborhoods."

Carter and Jaime met the previous night at a huge warehouse party.  Carter was with a group of friends who all took one car, and they found a spot just quiet enough to converse, but still near the action.  Carter says, "I hate it when people get drunk at these."  Someone in the group was experiencing their first warehouse party where everyone uses Blend, and they set down their drink sheepishly. "Why? Do they act like assholes?" Carter gestures towards someone apologizing to a few indignant people. "Did you see that?  Someone keeps bumping into people, and they keep getting offended and arguing." "Oh right! Because if someone crashes into you it means they are not attracted to you."  Carter's friend gives the room a once-over.  "I can still see everyone. Does that mean I'm attracted to everybody, like I'm bi? When does it kick in?" "Give it another 15 minutes. You'll know.  Like, every part of someone you're not attracted to will fade and blend in, and the parts that turn you on will be all you see of them.  It'll be like black light, you know? And the sexy parts will glow, everything else will be hard to see.  That's why you gotta move slowly and not get wasted." "If I get drunker, won't more parts of people look sexy?"  They laughed as a group. "That's such a first-timer joke! I'm so glad you came, it gets so serious here."

Jaime was with two friends, and they kept moving from table to table.  "Oh my god, I feel like such a degenerate here.  Why do they host these in such shitty neighborhoods?" Jaime shrugs, distracted, distant.  "Where else are they gonna get the space?"  "They just need to rent out like, a whole night club or something.  I'd totally pay extra.  It'd weed out all the assholes."  Jaime's friends enjoy speaking loudly and derisively about people as they walk by, Jaime knows that you shouldn't go to a Blend party alone.  "And the people who just keep coming here over and over and over... I'm tired of seeing them!" "More like not seeing them..." "Why do people drink at these?  If you are on fucking Blend and you still can't talk to someone, you just need to go back to internet dating."  Jaime takes out a vial. "Will you two stop complaining and let's just take these? I like to take them at the same time so we disappear all at once and none of us are left sitting around.  Like last week." "Aww, but you sure did find us eventually, isn't that right?"

"What if I don't find any parts of you guys attractive?" Carter loves coaching first timers. "Well most people find something attractive about everybody.   But once we start to disappear, it's best to split up." Someone else chimes in, "That's the awesome part! Unlike other group singles events, it like, really forces you to branch away from using your friends for safety.  If you see someone, and they see you, you automatically know there's a connection."  Carter butts back in,  "It beats internet dating. That's why I'm here, anyway." "That's why everyone's here." "And if you don't like someone once you see them the morning after, nobody gets offended!" The first timer grew nervous. "Is that- Does that happen all the time? That sounds shitty. Can't I just tell someone to grab me in certain spots before we leave together? So they know there aren't any deal breakers?"  "No, you just gotta not be a pussy about it." One of the group is growing impatient.  Carter pushes back, "No, shut up, that's not true.  If you like someone and you feel shy about rejection, just ask them on a date. If someone won't accept you for who you are, flaws and all, they're not worth your time." "Yeah, this isn't like, an orgy or something.  There's nothing to be worried about."

"This place is basically an orgy. There's no connecting happening here other than genitals." Jaime can't wait for the dose to take effect and disappear, and has two options: make new friends, or try and relate to these two until the trip starts and direct communication is prohibited unless your friend is clearly making a mistake.  "Definitely for some people.  The true benefit, really the entire purpose of this is that it cuts through so much of the bullshit and awkwardness so you can meet someone and move on to the good stuff." "Yeah, this place is definitely turning into a hookup scene for some people."  "Exactly! You can tell when people are scene because they have their Blend party uniform." "Hah, yes! A few people tell you they like your eyes or your legs or your/ tits or your cock bulge or whatever and you start framing them with your outfits"  "The most definitive one, and maybe I'm the only one who has run into this, is they won't give their name out." "Yeah! Some shit about respecting the collective memory." "It was explained to me that our ownership of memories is a like and that they are really shared and borrowed.  I tried to argue, and they just ask me to prove them wrong." "I always want to tell them off"  "I'm never ready when they approach me!  I've always got a good comeback like, the next day when I'm sitting at my desk."

"OK, 5 more minutes then we separate."  Carter just explained that it's a faux pas to cling to a friend when they're on Blend "So like, does it work with movies?" "I don't know, look at that screen."    "Why doesn't it work on movies?" "Are you thinking about having sex with movies?  I don't know about the brain science behind it or whatever, but it affects that part of your perception."  "I'd have sex with that movie!  Who decides on these?" "Eh, it's a bunch of pretentious art house crap. Nobody comes here to see the movies. If you're talking to someone and they start watching the movies, that means they're not interested." "But I thought that once someone looked at you it meant they were interested." "Yeah, but people change their minds. Look, the Blend doesn't do all the work for you, you have to use your own judgement." Carter scanned the room to plan her escape. "I think I see someone. I'm gonna go for it. Good luck!"

Carter approaches the first coherent series of features and is pleased to see a familiar face says, "Oh hey, I remember you."  The features replied, "I doubt it, I just moved here. But I've been going to Blend parties since the bathrooms at Krush were still gender segregated, if that means anything to you.  Did you go to any parties in the Bay Area scene? Maybe we hooked up there?" "No.  Are you sure? I just... what's your name?" "Let's not do names, you can call me Anonymous.  What are you seeing?" Carter hesitantly proceeded, "Your calves and your hair and your eyes, especially your eyebrows... and most of your torso. I'm sure that we- didn't we?" The anonymous attractive figure replied, "Individual memory is just a puddle next to a river, all we need to do is connect it." "Yeah, you have been going to these for a while." "What's that supposed to mean?"  "'Let's not do names'? Individual memory? River?  You actually read that book."  "'The End of Individuality?" "Yeah, that. Sorry, I just thought that book was rubbish."   "Well pardon my directness, but you've obviously done your share of Blend.  How do you know... what do you hold on to that tells you that you are remembering separate people and not just a shared composite of all the people you, y'know, blend with? And all of their memories?"  "Sorry, I just don't buy that far into this, this is just a hangover-free good time for me."  Anonymous could not see Carter's eyes, but was pretending to stare into them.  "I am an analyst for a major software company that I will not mention out of good taste, and I run my own freelance PR consulting firm. If you're implying that I'm some sort of addict with no life, you've made a mistake." "Well, my name is Carter. Enjoy your night."

Jaime had witnessed this exchange from nearby.  "Was that your first experience with a Blend Buddha?"  Carter was startled.  "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just approached you like that. Am I here?" "Oh you are definitely there, sorry, I'm just a little shaken.  Definitely not my first, but certainly my best. That felt good, I'm glad someone was there to witness that." Carter's eyes fixed on Jaime as they best could as names were exchanged. "I almost wanted to intervene, but you seemed to be doing just fine." "I almost wish they would just make Blend illegal, that'd get rid of all the... those people." "Yeah, I feel like this is ecstasy for obnoxious yuppies.  I wish there was a way to just filter them out." A few of Carter's and Jaime's friends walk past and say nothing, which is a standard way to approve of a friend's catch.  They both look at the other's group unknowingly.  "People dressed like that might as well just go to a regular night club." "Yeah, I mean if you bare most of your flesh-" "Everybody likes flesh!"  "I guess it makes it OK for them to move around so fast though." "Yeah, like when I really need to get to the bathroom I should just take off all of my clothes." "Yes, you should."

Soon Carter and Jaime are in a corner kissing with equal parts passion and curiosity, both escalating.  Jaime senses the romantic bubble moving carelessly in the proximity of an unseeable spike, so reigns it in with words, "I hate how this encourages people to be so... crass with each other." "Oh I don't know, I think honesty is my favorite part.  You can't say anything to people about their appearance anymore without worrying about hurting someone's feelings.  Now words are a pleasant indulgence." "You have amazing legs." "A very pleasant indulgence" "...and your shoulders... your jaw... and your neck." Carter pushes and pulls Jaime into a certain spot, "I love the way you look at me."  The last kisses recede like melting iced cream. Carter asks, "Did you drive here?" "Yeah, but I don't Blend and drive. Could you imagine living with the guilt of running someone over because they weren't sexy enough?"  They laughed and left and found a cab.

Jaime is considering this moment as the wind howls in Carter's car on the way back to the warehouse after a night of technically proficient and occasionally intimate sex.  "You're completely over the dose, right?  Can you see those ugly kids over there?" Carter was supposed to laugh. "What's up with all these ugly kids? Must be something in the water."  Carter gave a laugh so forced it was borderline hostile. "So what are you up to today?" "Oh, groceries, laundry, balance sheets..." Jaime could feel the pending arrival as Carter went through the errands.  Jaime was sorting a list of possible failures of the past 10 hours. All the questionable moments were traced to a sense of familiarity, of having known Carter for years and being able to say anything.  In the moment, that sense justified bold statements of ennui and references to very specific and obscure feelings.  Was that all just a product of the drug?

Jaime makes a last ditch effort.  "So did you really see the most of me out of everyone here?"  Carter replies as though not listening, "I'm sorry about earlier, you were right. About the 'seeing too much' comment.  You don't want to get all self-referential or whatever right away.  Well anyway, I'll find you on Facebook. You're friends with Max Lang, right?" "I think so." "Cool, you got your keys?" "Yeah totally. Maybe we could go get a drink during the week?" "I'm really busy this week. But maybe I'll see you at the warehouse again?" "Yep, I'm sure I'll see you there."

Smartphone Screens are Huge

Inner thoughts interpreted from observed behavior of a girl around 20 years old who takes a break from reading an article in a sociology journal (ostensibly mining it for the required external sources for a research paper) to take a selfie.  She looks at the pic and creates a blank message and keeps looking at two names in her phone:  Erica and Dave.

This'll do. My chin is doing that thing, but my tits look huge... what did Lindsey say, "Tastefully spilling" over my sports bra?  Dave would totally lose his shit if I send this.  Am I in the mood for that?  That'll pretty much guarantee that I'll end up spending the night again...should I do that?  Continue to encourage this? I don't want to just go home and pass out, but I don't know if I'm up for all that. I miss Erica, I should send it to her, this really captures where I'm at in life right now, buried in text books and all discombobulated. I miss her so much and she sent me that pic of her dogs so I owe her... look at them, so adorable. I hope I get to see them when I go home for Thanksgiving.  but if I start talking to her I won't get anything done and I'll be on the phone all night bullshitting about high school and Santa Cruz. But I do miss her.  Dave is so chill. Maybe I could just send him the pic and and see him Friday? But a Wednesday booty call is so perfect, I could use that this week. It'll be like a temporary weekend! Ugh I still have so much to do here.

Dave is perfect for nights like this, he is like clockwork. Never keeps me up too late, good for a solid three times, the third being right before work which is nice.  He's like sleeping pills and an alarm clock! lol  He always promises me breakfast but never gets up on time for both, and I can stop at Starbucks for one of those things! lol  I just hope he's not getting the wrong idea.  Should I wait until he texts me? No, because then I'd be encouraging him; I'd be rewarding him for reaching out to me.

I hope he doesn't wanna sext, I don't have energy for that shit. Id have to take a shower and stuff. This new phone is so... vivid. Too vivid. Oh god, my forehead is shining, let me try this again. How do I keep getting greasy? There's no humidity here! Where does it come from?

Though that time he sent me those pics when I was driving was so fucking hot. I completely lost control... Could that happen right now? Maybe I should just trust the moment. Yeah.  Ok I'll do it! Fuck, this screen is huge, what if he replies with a dick pic? That'd be unlike him tho, he never jumps right into it. Plus the pic clearly shows where I am. What am I doing? I need to finish this assignment. This is a cute pic though. Ill just post it on Facebook.

Banksy

So here I am, on the PATH, on my way to check out the new Banksy graffiti in lower Manhattan. I'm really excited, these are all brand new pieces, the spray paint probably still aromatic.  I never remember to check out his art when I'm traveling, but now it's right here.  He said they'll be popping up all October, and with a toll-free number next to them that plays a recording of his commentary, like a museum guided tour.   His work is full of childish whimsy, which is typically lost when acquiring such a knack for social and political commentary.  It's sorta like a much more subversive Gary Larson.  I wonder if anyone has made that connection before?  Of course someone has, it's so obvious.  They probably wouldn't even bother to say it, it's such a shallow observation.  I'll give it the google test though, just to be sure.  Yep, well documented.

So it's at Allen and Canal St.  Chinatown.  Should I walk all the way there from World Trade to really get into the rhythm of the street and maybe recreate the moment of inspiration?  There are no crosstown trains to Chinatown anyway, remember when we learned that rushing for the Chintatown bus home that time?  Shit, maybe I should have taken that. But then I'd be stuck leaving the city by 10:30, and now that I'm unemployed, I can stay as late as I like. Plus I'd miss all this urban decay only viewable from the train.  Look at all those abandoned warehouses in those lots of cracked asphalt overgrown with tall grass along the Hudson, it's so toxic and post-apocalyptic.  I wonder how I would get there, there are no roads.  How would Banksy get there?  That whole building would be perfect for a Banksy piece, how many people would see it... 250,000 per day on average, according to sources.  I wonder what used to happen in that building? I wonder what their layoff notices were like?

The toll-free number is on his website... should I call it?  No, I should start trying to get into the right frame of mind. Banksy captures the human condition, the very same human condition that surrounds me in this train car.  I can see it in these people around me, all fish-eyed looking at their devices.  They need someone like Banksy to remind them of what they've all lost... by no fault of their own, of course.  I mean, what I've seen of Banksy's work he is very action-positive.  Action-positive can be a thing, right? That we can all make a choice to allow the world to affect us?  That it's not just all escapist Mickey Mouse culture? That we can do something, regardless of how ephemeral and insignificant?

It's 11:30 in the morning on a Wednesday.  I wonder how many people are victims of layoffs trying to explore the city in a way their 9-5 never permitted.  Those look like students, they seem busy and optimistic, and their faces are still taut, unworn by the "real world".  There's a tired woman with three children... why aren't they in school?  Do people wear ties to explore the city?  Do people take the subway to a job interview?  I wonder if there are other people from the Merck layoffs.  Can I claim solidarity with them even though I quit without notice after the announcement?  And I was just in the customer service pit?  Banksy says, "If you don't own a train company, then go and paint on one instead".  That's totally what sending that email felt like.  I guess since I have few responsibilities and am free to derail my life's course, it was my duty to use myself as a tiny wrench in the gears.  I'm sure that the groups I blind cc'd appreciated it, and that I did what they want to do, but had no way to show it that wouldn't get them in trouble.  That's what going to admire Banksy's street art is for me.  Showing my appreciation for that feeling of tiny revolution inside of me he sparks.

Should I listen to the recording at the number? Is that cheating?  Whatever, it's too distracting, I should just do it.  "...it's probably painted over by now".  That'd suck.  But wait, who is going to paint over it?  Especially with all the publicity for the city this is sure to draw.  I wonder if there will be police nearby guarding the wall.  What if there's a crowd?  Haha, maybe I'll take pictures of people taking pictures and post it on my blog.  No, that's too obvious, there'll probably be people doing that, too.  I'll make a people-watching project out of it and take pictures of people taking pictures of people.  Scratch that, I'm gonna feel too self-conscious taking pictures of anything, and I'd hate to have someone approach me and ask for an account of myself.  Maybe I'll look at the wall next door or across the street, sort of like performance art. No, that's stupid.  I'll just go to the restaurant across the street and have lunch, then go join the crowd. I'm hungry.  I don't really want Chinese though. If Banksy is lampooning museum tours, maybe I should go to the MoMA first.  I've always wanted to see the MoMA anyway, and they close, whereas I'm sure Banksy's piece will still be there later.  I'll hop on the 1 and head uptown, there will be more dining options there.  Today is awesome!

A Dear, Sweet Woman Who Will Soon Move to LA to Teach Acting

Hi I was told you call the shots around here!

Well I had an idea I wanted to run by you, if you have the time to listen.

Right, I'll be quick so you can do your thing. I have a tape of Neil Sedaka and sing a few of his songs and I was wondering if I could perform it maybe after this.

Well yeah I mean in the next episode... yeah as part of the show. I have my own radio and I sing the whole song.

No it has his vocals on it... I mean I know it's a little weird because he's a guy and all, but... it's- I performed it at an open mic the other night at, umm, what's it called... Fair Trade Cafe, which I also hosted because what's-her-name was out sick and I'm who she chose to host in her absence, and the audience really reacted to it, y'know they just didn't expect it.

And that'd be perfect too because I would need to use the time during sketches to recover, you know it's very tiring to sing like that.

Yeah, I would do like a few songs. But like you said, between sketches. If there's time.

Yeah I'm also going to do the weather!  Did they tell you that? Yeah, so there's that and I'll be on the show then, y'know?

I auditioned to be in the cast for this show, did you know that? I didn't get called back, I don't think you were there.  I did an impression of Marilyn Monroe singing "Happy Birthday" to President Kennedy... "Happy birthday...     Mr. President...           Happy birthday...  ...  ...     to..." of course you know it.  I also did an impression of Farrah Fawcett. I think I look like her, I've been told I look like her when I do this.

You know she died the same day as Michael Jackson.  Farrah Fawcett.  Nobody talked about it though, and she wasn't mentioned, she got shut out on the memorial reel at the Oscars, did you know that? Oh it was terrible, it was a big controversy. A lot of people were very upset about that.  Did you watch the Oscars that year, do you remember?

Through a Long and Sleepless Night*

*Obligatory "It's Fall, guess I'll read a bunch of Poe and instead of feel humbled by the (somewhat misogynistic) brilliance, try to imitate it with my shitty verse".

My brain attempts sleep by centrifuge of its contents
But a cliffhanger of my senses' season
Teases my mind into wakeful treason
Jasmine and orange released a deluge of their strong scents
Why are they flowering now?
Like hounds in temperament
But sunshine in their intent
The smell wafts against my windows
I bury my inlets in my pillows
And close my eyes against themselves

Into fabric I gaze
As my nose plays
Notes of a song whose words elude me
They grant me the yen to dance
I beg of my thoughts to for once exclude me
And give melatonin a chance

I keep reality tied up for its own protection
From a chemical I once freely squeezed hard enough
To milk, but not keep
And from which I hide in distraction's bluff
But since I cannot sleep
Up, and up, I'll take to the street
And set my course
To this aroma's source
Or until my curiosity feels remorse
For its assault on my circadian beat

The aroma hovered over a certain spot
Around an overgrown abandoned lot
So, dizzily, in that direction I dithered
Like a lucid dreaming sleeper agent
Whose will for wakefulness has withered
Like fire with a prior engagement

I had earlier taken a strange path home
Past a new building overlooking this empty lot
The intent of its construction still unknown
Where once...
Where once my every atom had flown
Had I, in my olfactory drunkenness, forgot?
What once happened in this very spot?

Ah, what demon hath tempted me here?
Who planted the fragrant blossoms of March
To whisper softly into my ear
Having stalked the following seasons' arch
To approach me undercover
Of a sweet anachronistic smell
And know I would its source discover
By bidding me return to the very site
Where I was vaporized in tremulous light
Where from my freewill said "Farewell"
And from which I'll gladly not recover
I smile with the fixed eyes of an intern in hell
At the first rays of sun, numbing and so bright