Monnn

11-22-14 around 2PM, I am approached and asked for change by a man and a shy woman. The guy had very earnest eyes and a facility with words that would make him really good at telling jokes (he looked a lot like Brendan Small, which might be why I thought this). I am digging through my bag for money and a lost bag of nuts, and after a few moments pass he says, "I didn't know that it would be such a struggle." The way it was timed, I thought he was being sarcastic about how much effort I had to expend exploring my bag, and the irony that he would call that a struggle made me laugh. I also pushed my chuckle and drew it out a little, the way you would laugh to generate mirth on a bad date, an austere crowd at a standup show, or with a homeless person who said something genuinely funny. Then I realized that he was not joking about my fake struggle, but referring to their very real struggle, thus rendering my laughter highly inappropriate. We parted ways after the exchange with no attempt on my part to address my laughter, but here is how I imagine said explanation would go:

Guy: I didn't know that it would be such a struggle.

(drawn out laughter)

Guy: It has been difficult, anything you can spare would be so helpful.

Me: Oh jeez, sorry, I thought you were joking!

Guy: About what?

Me: About how I was struggling with my bag!

Guy: What do you mean? I'm sorry to cause trouble, but it's just... we haven't had-

Me: -Oh no, it's not a struggle at all! Sorry I interrupted you. I just thought-

Guy: -It's OK, I-

Me: -I just thought it was ironic that you would call my search through my bag a struggle, considering what your daily existence must be.

Guy: It hasn't been easy...

Woman: Like you have any idea what our daily existence is like. Why do you think he'd joke about that?

Me: Well, he just has a very sincere face.

Woman: If he looks sincere, why do you think he was joking?

Me: Maybe he was being sarcastic, like someone walking by a construction site carrying a pizza and one of them says "Look who brought lunch!" They know it's not for them, they're just joking.

Guy: Why would you carry a pizza right in front of a bunch of people who are working and hungry?

Woman: Thanks for telling us what sarcasm is. Still doesn't explain why you think he was joking.

Me: I think part of it is that he looks like a comedian I like.

Guy: Oh is that so? Which one?

Me: Oh, he's not all that well-known...

Guy: What, are you saying I haven't heard of him?

Woman: Can't you see? There is no comedian, he's just making excuses.

Me: Fine, Brendan Small!

Guy: Is he funny?

Me: Yeah!

Guy: You don't sound too certain of that...

Woman: He doesn't sound too certain of anything!

Guy: So I remind you of an unfunny comedian.

Me: No! He is totally funny, he writes great character dialog that really captures the tediousness of human interaction, but I have seen him attempt some jokes in his stand-up that used pejorative terms to describe people born with ambiguous genitalia, and-

Guy: -Oh no! We missed our train while this guy was rambling about political correctness like some social justice warrior.

Woman: I think he just wanted to use the word "pejorative".

Guy: Now we'll never make it to the food bank on time!

Me: I found this bag of cashews!


Now here is how it would have gone if I wrote the homeless people as people and not just an extension of my guilt, paranoia, and social anxiety, and myself as a person instead of a narcissistic warrior fighting the hydra of his sense of inauthenticity:

Guy: I didn't know that it would be such a struggle.

(drawn out laughter)

Guy: It has been difficult, anything you can spare would be so helpful.

Me: Oh jeez, sorry, I thought you were joking!

Guy: Oh yeah?

Me: Yeah, about how I was struggling with my bag? It's such a mess, haha.

Guy: Oh yeah, hahaha. Well thank you so much.

Woman: God bless you!

(they head off to train)

Me: Good luck!

Now here is that interaction if we had all secretly taken mushrooms and they hit the moment the guy says "struggle".

Guy: I didn't know that it would be such a struggle.

(drawn out laughter)

Guy: Why was that funny?

Me: (still searching through my bag) I can't seem to hold onto anything, it's great!

Guy: I hold on to too much.

(brief pause, still searching in bag)

Me: Are you still here?

Guy: You can look at us if you want to.

Woman: Careful, that was mean...

Me: (emerging from bag) No it's OK, I'm here now. Nobody's mean.

Guy: What are you going to do with those?

Me: (look at keys I'm holding) Oh yeah, money! (back into bag) Sorry, my bag is such a mess.

(Guy and Woman are staring past one another, I eventually emerge holding money and bag of cashews and look past them for a moment, then start taking tiny, tiny steps closer to them)

Woman: Oh, hey!

Me: Here they are! Here it is! (hand them goods) Sorry that took so long, you must've been standing there wondering if it was worth it.

Woman: It was so long, thank you for making it OK to mention!

Guy: I know! Thank you so much for saying that, and for the monnn.

Woman: God is truly everywhere

Guy: Monnn

Me: Time is not the avalanche I thought it was, but a different one I may never see?

Woman: Monnn

Guy: Monnn

Woman: Monnn

Guy: Monnn

Me: You guys are the Best, and what's more, have the Best day! (swinging arm to accent "Best", then walking off still spinning arm in similar fashion for three blocks)