The Most Unappealing Conversations in History, Part 1: What are you

"I haven't seen the movie in a while, but I thought that his role in the film was to provide a revealing contrast to the admirable humility of the rest of the troop. To be honest I was tripping on acid when I saw it, so who knows!"

"What are you, one of those people who go out of their way to insert little tales about their experiences with mind-expanding drugs during a normal conversation just to seem cooler than everybody else?"

"Well what are you, one of those people who tries to call everybody out on things that they only notice because they know they've done exactly the same thing before?"

"Dude, I was kidding. What are you, one of those people whose unrestrained ego only allows them to detect sarcasm when it isn't at their expense?"

"What are you, one of those people who try to get out of looking like a dick by saying they were joking even though they totally were not?"

"What are you, one of those people who try to change the subject so they don't have to admit that they were caught exhibiting an undesirable personality trait that they themselves know they need to stop doing, and even though nobody was actually accusing them of the said undesirable trait they get defensive when somebody makes a joke about it, which they also know makes them appear completely out of touch with how people perceive them?"

"Well what are you, one of those people who use pop psychology as a mode of clandestine social combat in order to make yourself appear enlightened and confident while making your randomly selected victim look like a pathetic quivering slave to their own ego?"

"What are you, somebody who tries to confuse everyone by accusing somebody of resorting unnecessarily to polemics and describe their mode of attack using words with a universally negative connotation like "pop psychology"?

"What are you, that guy who thinks that just because somebody is standing up for themselves that they are on the defensive and that just being defensive by itself proves that they feel guilty about something; and furthermore you assume that whatever it is they feel guilty about must be exactly what you think they should feel guilty about?"

"Wh- What are you, gay?"

Yes I am.

Will you go out with me?

Sorry, I really don't find you attractive.

Oh. Ok well, bye...