World's Oldest Profession

Guy: I don't care if it's stupid, I'm pissed off.

Friend: Well, OK. Wanna make a movie about it?

G: What!? No.

F: Right, all that expensive equipment, all that time editing. How about you write a short play?

G: I don't think so.

F: Yeah, too many moving parts, too many people.

G: Yeah, fuck other people.

F: Yeah! Plus, theater venues are pricey. So... how about you paint a mural?

G: Meh, visual arts aren't really my thing.

F: Write a song!

G: With what talent? I don't feel like dealing with picking up an instrument, it's like learning a new language. Plus I really don't like my fingers. Can I just stick with words?

F: Oh ok. How about you write a novel?

G: Christ, it's just an opinion.

F: Short story?

G: Meh. I want people to be there when I say it, otherwise what's the point?

F: Monolog?

G: Maybe. I like the part where it's just me talking to a crowd, but I don't want to deal with open mics at coffee shops or art galleries. The people are annoying, and if I don't go first then I'll have to sit through someone's poetry about tea or whatever. Can I do something where I don't even have to leave the bar? And I can just like, complain about how nothing is good enough? And somehow that'll make people think I'm brave, and like me, and get worried if I feel like I'm not allowed to say whatever the fuck I want?

Both: Standup comedy!