National Poetry Month Day 30: Sorry for my Existence

For the last day of poetry month, I am writing a slam parody about sexism. Cadence and hand gesture as you see fit.

As a woman, I woke up carefully and
Alone
My bed has too many pillows,
no wonder I'm single.
No wonder
Know.
Wonder.
I wander to the mirror
From my own eyes, the male gaze peers back at me
My eyes are daggers that cloud my mind, and don't even recognize me,
I wanna use Occam's Razor as a sweat lodge
Trim this fat from my mind
I wish I weighed less, but someone once told me
"Real women have curves"
I head to the scale to find out what I'm worth
1 for that time I didn't care what people thought of me
3 the number of points in a bowl of granola
4 u, I might starve but
2-day I eat
4 me
Does it count as skinny shaming if I eat bacon in public?
Is my body acceptance making other women fat?
I'd stop at Starbucks, but I don't wanna be a basic bitch
I tell my boyfriend I'm going to yoga
But if I actually go, I'm a manic pixie dream girl
But if I just say I'm going to yoga then don't, I'm a basic bitch
So I stop thinking about yoga
And dump my boyfriend so I can develop my own storyline
Move to Europe,
Live there for 4 years so I wouldn't be just another
basic bitch on her token eurotrip
But I didn't do anything interesting that might
Inspire a depressed male writer
It's been a crazy 4 years, so I
Go to bed and
It's funny, I
Used to say "Hail Mary"s and "Our Father"s as a kid, but
Now my precious nightly prayer session goes something like this:
"Hail Mary, full of spite
Hollow be my existence
Give me this day,
My daily affirmation
And forgive me my made-up trespasses"
But Mary and the Father sleep in separate beds now
And God is just the patriarchy saying
"Stop hitting yourself!"
"Stop hitting yourself!"

"Stop hitting yourself!"
Step off of the know-ledge

Now I use booze like a sledge hammer

And cigarettes as a DIY liposuction kit

So if I can't shatter the glass ceiling

At least it can shield me from the wind so

I can spark up when men tell me how

To blame other women

And I can drop ash on their cocks and say 

"I heard you coming a minute away"