Most Unappealing Conversations in History Part 6: The State of Movies

This takes place in the seated waiting area for a municipal building. Could be jury duty, disputing traffic tickets, the DMV, etc. Person 1 is thin and seems prone to the sort of sudden movements that drive peoples' dogs crazy. Wearing tight (but not "skinny") jeans and a fitted t-shirt that could only be what an underground artist tossed in the trash because the design turned out too Ed Hardy. He stole it from the dumpster and ostensibly hasn't washed it. Person 2 is tiptoeing the line between doughy and muscular, wearing a tight ribbed sweater and jeans that are so unremarkable and ordinary that some people think he isn't wearing any pants at all. Perhaps he's at the municipal building to fight a public indecency citation because of this. Both men seem between 30-45 and have never spoken to one another before.

Person 1: (into a cellphone)Yep, looks like more of George Clooney coming to grips with his age. ... Doing what again? ... Well that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the movie, I just... No, I'm not implying that you need my permission to enjoy... Grand Poobah? You mean from The Mikado? ... Well yeah, but where the fuck do you think The Flintstones got it from? ... Well perhaps you should. ... No, you're right, it's somewhat promising, but... we'll see. Yeah, we'll see. Alrightbye. (1)

Person 2: So you're going to see "The Descendants"?

P1: Apparently.

P2: Eh.

P1: You saw it?

P2: Yeah. That's all there is to say.

P1: Really? See I read the book it's based on, and I imagine there would be many things to say about-

P2: I'm sure the book is waaaaay better.

P1: You liked the book?

P2: I didn't read the book.

P1: Oh. How do you know then?

P2: The book is always better than the movie. I think you were right when you said it's just more mainstream George Clooney posturing.

P1: Well I didn't say it was posturing. I'm just tired of George Clooney being the emblem of "middle-age guy reluctantly having an epiphany" when there are plenty of other actors that could do these roles and not carry the stigma of all George Clooney's other characters.

P2: It feels like every George Clooney movie is the same movie. It feels like EVERY movie I see in theaters is the same 3 or 4 movies. It's like I'm taking crazy pills, am I the only one who sees this?

P1: I agree somewhat, but there are plenty of notable exceptions.

P2: It's all focus groups. I'm sure they have people like you in their focus groups as well. Don't kid yourself. I imagine they probably even have someone like me, too. It's all marketing. No movies are worth watching anymore.

P1: Well that's a bit of a rash generalization. Perhaps what reaches mainstream theaters and becomes a major hit is often garbage, but have you been to The Grimmet? At 19th and Chesilhurst?

P2: No.

P1: You should go there. They play films by local artist on Thursdays and Sundays, and foreign and indie movies the rest of the week. It's cheap, and parking is way easier there than at the AMC 24 at Gibbon's Square.

P2: But why is it so hard for these films to find a larger audience?

P1: Ordinary people just aren't comfortable with challenging films. Last weekend they featured this one called "7AM in Debresko" about the day-to-day life of a small-time arms dealer in a small city in the Czech Republic. Even though he sells weapons to inept assassins and psychopaths, you can't help but compare his life to your own. That kind of absurdity doesn't sit well with the typical viewer.

P2: Yeah but really it's just another movie about assassins, right?

P1: Maybe a little, but-

P2: So they're trying to be mainstream. I mean whatever, I'm sure it's alright, but I'm just tired of movies about assassins.

P1: Sure. You should stop by this weekend then, they're showing "Fifth", a documentary that examines the relationship between memes and society and culture. The name comes from Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, and a major part of the movie is a man with perfect pitch who goes around-

P2: Jeez it sounds like they're trying to be obscure!

P1: What?

P2: It sounds like they made the movie boring and obscure on purpose.

P1: Obscure? You encounter memes every day. For example-

P2: It's like every movie either tries too hard to be mainstream, or it tries too hard to be the opposite.

P1: I d- What!?

P2: I don't know, I just feel like I know why every movie is made. It sorta kills the magic for me.

P1: I don't know what you're talking about. Just last night I saw one that wasn't mainstream or obscure. Three friends who are fed up with their jobs decide to-

P2: You obviously don't get it.

P1: What don't I get?

P2: (Looking forward without expression) Just... the reason movies are made.

P1: I guess not?

P2: Enjoy "The Descendants".

P1: (Peering up at the monitor displaying his position in cue) I think I may. (2)



(1) Transcription of this conversation (if you want to cheat): Yep, looks like more of George Clooney coming to grips with his age. You're doing that thing again. Doing what again? That thing where you shit all over something when you only know like one or two details about it. It's annoying. Well that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the movie, I just- So glad I have your approval. No, I'm not implying that you need my permission to enjoy- Whatever, you're so the self-appointed Grand Poobah of taste. Grand Poobah? You mean from "The Mikado"? What? No, The Flintstones episode with the Freemason-type club they join. Well yeah, but where the fuck do you think The Flintstones got it from? Sorry, I don't keep wikipedia handy when I watch cartoons. Well perhaps you should. Apparently I have to. Look, you liked "Sideways", this might be similarly good. No, you're right, it's somewhat promising, but... we'll see. Stop being negative! Yeah, we'll see. You WILL see! Alrightbye. Bye.
(2) Try reading this again and imagine the temptation one may feel, being P1, to ask P2 "Are you sure you even like movies?" or perhaps "What movies do you like?"