List: What is My Outfit Trying to Say?

-"I am unceasingly nauseated by the power structures that allow me to exist as I do, but I don't want to be a downer."

-"Please give me the chance to let you know that I'm not into EDM, I just like unnarrated shapes and colors."

-"All the things I'm trying to hide are inside of me."

-"Male attire has been utterly ruined by male people."

-"Please don't associate me with things that exist yet, I don't want credit!"

-"If that's what you think, then yes, I AM trying way too hard, way too hard indeed. Clearly you must be some sort of big deal, because why else would I be, as you have properly assessed, trying so hard? Being that you're a big deal and I'm trying too hard (so hard!), you should probably find a more low key enthusiast of people like you with whom to consort. I'll be here straining."

-"Please give me the chance to let you know that I am well aware that twee has been ruined by social media & marketing, but somehow I'm still here, perhaps as the response to a perceived massive insult from the halls of cynical personal branding attempts. Neoliberalism raped a unicorn, and Pusheen the Cat and Dr. Who cellphone cases are the offspring."

-"I want to find out who in the room is on LSD. Quickly."

-"'People thinking I'm gay' has long been my personal screening tool against unwanted sexual advances."

-"I'm trying not to get caught trying to outrun lousy think-pieces."